bringing home bé

Visit us at The Bex Files

2011-01-11T19:14:00.000-06:00

we've moved

2009-05-06T12:53:00.002-05:00

Visit us at our new home.

Leave a comment here with your contact info (name, email & blog if you have one) and I'll hook you up with the password.

2009-05-06T12:53:00.001-05:00

my very own bubble boy

2008-10-21T15:02:00.001-05:00

Gee, do you think the boy enjoys his bubble time?

humbled.

2008-10-17T14:39:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I was reminded, yet again, of the fragility of the adoption process. Recently I have known many who have lost referrals for one reason or another, but in all of those cases the families found peace in the knowledge that their children would be cared for by a different loving family or by the loving people with whom the already live. Today I was reminded that some things are more finite. Today a family who was anxiously waiting to bring home their wee man (from Beckett's former home in Vinh Long) announced that he was gone. He contracted pneumonia and was ultimately unable to fend off the infection. Every parent's worst nightmare had come to pass, yet this was complicated by the fact that they would never have the opportunity to kiss his sweet face or hold his tiny hand. They are living the nightmare that I prayed would not happen to us during every day of our wait. I pray that they find peace, as fleeting and unattainable as it must currently seem. I cannot comprehend their pain. I am heartbroken for them. I am grateful for my child. And as he snuggles on my lap as I type this, I am, and always will be, humbled by his presence.

a light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps?

2008-10-15T08:07:00.002-05:00

An excerpt from the most recent JCICS statement:

We remain hopeful that Vietnam will re-open to adoptions and have confirmed that bilateral discussions regarding an interim agreement on intercountry adoptions between Vietnam and the US are in their initial stages.

Hey, at this point I 'll get excited about even the tinest bit of good news.

because a picture is worth a thousand words

2008-10-14T07:47:00.002-05:00

A rare glimpse of the boy in his natural habitat.

I think he might love his Daddy.

One day last week I walked into the living room and discovered this:

Seems he feels that everyone should be allowed to drive regardless of their lack of hands or ability to steer.

This is what happens if you are holding a camera and say cheese.

without further adieu...

2008-10-13T21:22:00.001-05:00

THE ORNAMENTS.

b.b.b. may be the death of me and other miscellaney

2008-10-12T22:50:00.005-05:00

Switching to the toddler bed may have been a tad premature. After two great nights we had a terrible nap time today and it took poor Ken over 2 hours to get him to stay in bed and go to sleep this evening. Who the heck came up with this crazy plan?

Oh. Right. It was me.

I might need to spend a moment in the time out corner for this one.

_______________

The ornaments are here! The ornaments are here! Unfortunately the camera battery is dead. Bummer. Guess that means you'll have to wait until tomorrow for photos. I can feel your disappointment.

_______________

Huge congrats to our friends Bryan & Jenn who welcomed their little one to the world bright and early this morning. Baby Jones is a cute little one and we are beyond thrilled for them.

_______________

One of the VietMoms is in Vietnam and will soon be heading home with the adorable Mr. Tanner. I just love when someone I know in real life brings home their kiddo. It never gets old. Never.

_______________

International adoption just isn't what it used to be. Granted, a country should be able to care for their own children, and certainly keeping a child in their birth country would be ideal, but is increasing the age limit to 60 for domestic adoption really the answer? Really, Korea, is it? You'd rather place an infant with a 60 year old mother domestically as opposed to a 40 year old one internationally? I know there is a stigma and you feel that this brings a certain degree of shame to the country, but is this really the answer? And can we talk for a minute about how the social stigma for adoption is such that people fake pregnancies with aid of special pillows (Desperate Housewives, anyone?) and/or claim that a child is the result of an affair rather than simply admit that they were adopted. Really? I know the issue is much more complicated than I am making it out to be, but good grief. 60 seems a bit mature for a newborn, at least to me.

dillon day of discovery

2008-10-11T07:15:00.004-05:00

CRAFTS | ELECTRIC SHOW | LANGUAGE LESSONS | HOW TO STOCK YOUR WORLD PANTRY

Join us for Dillon Day of Discovery, a fun and educational family event at the Museum of Discovery located in Little Rock’s downtown River Market. Explore all the museum has to offer and take a few minutes to learn during short education sessions designed by adoptive families for adoptive families. Refreshments will be served. Proceeds will help children in orphanages with medical and physical care, so come on out and help us make the Little Rock fund raiser a huge success! Special guest: Deniese Dillon!

Saturday 10/18. 3pm-6pm. $40 per family.

You don't need to be a Dillon family to participate, nor does it matter where you are in process. You don't even have to be local. Just come on out and help us raise some funds for Orphan Care Intl. The way I see it, some of my more remote adoption friends could easily make a road trip. Hint, hint!

triple b

2008-10-10T16:31:00.004-05:00

Aka the big boy bed.

I took apart the crib and morphed it into the toddler bed this afternoon.

The boy is not impressed. From what I can tell, neither is Tyrone.

We may be in for some loooong nights.

UPDATE: 7:10 am
The boy went to sleep easier that he has in a week. He tossed out the pillow and once again squashed Tyrone with his noggin. Though we did hear him wake once during the night, it sounded like he stayed in bed and we didn't hear any toy noises. I'll have to survey the area for confirmation once he's up, but so far it seems our first night was successful. Let's hope it's not a fluke.

cutie mc'cutenstien

2008-10-09T18:00:00.001-05:00

Behold. The husband at 30 months of age. Photo courtesy of his Godmother, Marilyn. Perhaps I am biased, but he could not be any cuter!

You see, today's mail contained an intriguingly overstuffed envelope from said Godmother , aka "Bubbie". Since it was also addressed to me I tore into into the envelope and found a lovely card holding 10 awesome photos from Ken's younger years. The photo above was on the top of the stack. I about died. That is one cute kid.

This one says he is two and a half. He's posing with his Mom. Hi GrandNan! You look adorable too! Anyway, I couldn't keep the cuteness to myself. Plus, I've sort of taken on the challenge of posting for seven consecutive days and I was running low on inspiration. Hooray for surprises in the mail! Thank you, Marilyn!

women of the world v. beckett myers [a minor]

2008-10-08T17:36:00.000-05:00

I am preparing for our first sexual harassment suit. Sure, no subpoenas have been served, but if my child grabs another woman's derrière or cops a feel on another boob, well, it may get ugly around here. Lucky for us, the bosom assault occurred at preschool this morning so it was clear that he was the offender, not me. The a$$ grabbing is another story. Once a waitress thought Ken had been overly friendly, and at the mall last weekend my Dad was almost doused with pepper spray after Bex went for a double fisted bottom squeeze.

I thought that it was ok for him to be in a class with six girls. Now I am questioning the decision.

Anybody know a good lawyer?

tiger stripes

2008-10-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

The boy doesn't sleep alone. He doesn't sleep with us either. No, he spends his nights lovingly snuggled around his favorite "person" in the world. Meet Tyronnius J. Tigre. You can call him Tyrone for short.

You may remember him from his film debut. He eats a lot and Bex stays busy trying to keep him fed. Nobody wants a hungry tiger on their hands.

Yesterday morning I was lucky enough to observe the boy and his tiger in their natural habitat: the bed. Sure, we were gonna be late to preschool but how could I pass up the opportunity to capture the moment? He has a lifetime to be punctual, but I have limited opportunities to photograph a baby snoozing with his bestie, so sorry punctuality, you lose.

it. was. awesome.

2008-10-07T08:39:00.003-05:00

So, we're back! It's great to be home and snuggle with the little dude, but the vacay was great. Unfortunately for me, my husband learned one of my dirty little secrets (No, not that kind of secret. Get your mind out of the gutter, people!). I am an 11 year old. Not in the Law Mommy sense, but in the sense of extreme excitement over somewhat unexciting events.

When Ken suggested that we take a trip to Niagara Falls my eyes glazed over and I became obsessed with taking a ride on the Maid of the Mist. Obsessed, I tell you. Gleeful to the point of embarrassment. Of course, since I had reverted to primary school status, I couldn't possibly refer to the Maid of the Mist as such, no, I called it the boat. Poor Ken was subjected to countless proddings and pleading regarding said boat, and since he was patently against riding it himeself, every other sentence on the two hour drive there was: Boat?

BOAT!! Just me though. Ken did not succumb to it's charms or mine.

Could I be more annoying?

Then there was the Corning Museum of Glass. Months ago I decided that we would go to their "Make Your Own Glass" studio and do exactly that. We made ornaments. They are awesome. Or at least I think they will be. We haven't received the finished pieces in the mail just yet, but I'm sure I'll bore you with a photo once they arrive. Anyway, I could barely contain myself from hopping around as I waited my turn. OMG. I'm not 11. I'm 5.

And did I mention the donkey? One of the wineries has a pet donkey named Doobie. I HAD to meet him. Had to. It was as if my day, no, vacation, no... life depended on it. He was pretty cute, if a bit stinky. And it made for an unexpected photo op.

In any event, the secret is out. I am excitable. Perhaps ridiculously so. World's biggest ball of yarn? I am there! Totally hokey touristy activity? Sign me up. Heck, apparently all you have to do is lure me in with the promise of a donkey sighting and I might drive 20 minutes out of my way.

Oh, the shame.

2008-10-03T14:52:00.000-05:00

whee! mmm! oooh!

We're spending the day exploring the finger lakes region. Corning museum , much wine & gorgeous scenery.

i said, stop following me.

2008-10-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

This is a construction vehicle. Do not follow it.

What part of "do not follow" don't you understand?

Why is it that a person feels compelled to do that which they were just told not to do?

This is a construction vehicle. We must follow. Please disregard sign.

That is all.

water reacting to gravity.

2008-10-02T20:52:00.003-05:00

Woo!! Ken surprised me last night by suggesting that we take a trip over to see Niagara Falls today. Sure it's touristy, but who cares! I was giddy and it was awesome, even if it did cause me to have extremely unfortunate hair.

More pics here.

2008-10-01T08:10:00.000-05:00

And we're off! After bidding Bex adieu we are on our way to the airport. I miss him already. OMG! I'm such a sapp!

seven.

2008-09-29T01:01:00.003-05:00

Today marks seven years since our wedding. Wow. Where does the time go? Four cities, two states, three corporate relocations, seven addresses, two cats, four cars, one dog, and a little dude later, I am happy to report that we are still friendly.

To celebrate we are taking a trip to Ken's hometown of Syracuse, NY. Woo! Admittedly, my cheering might have been a bit sarcastic. I can't say that central NY would be at the top of my list for vacation spots, but it will be great to see the place that he grew up and experience his town first hand. Did I mention that Bex will be staying here with the grandparents? In all honestly I'm worried about him not wanting to come home because he is going to have such a great time. Of course, we will too! It will be great to take a break from parenting and just hang out.

We're also going to the wedding of one of Ken's besties from high school It should be a blast. In fact, the whole trip should be fantastic. I can't wait!

Though, I will miss the dude.

Happy Anniversary, Ken!

just breathe.

2008-09-27T11:30:00.000-05:00

Dear advertising world:

I used to be one of you.
Nobody appreciates the fact that mistakes happen more than me. One of the
graphic artists that I managed once ran an ad that said "Pubic Notice" as
opposed to "Public Notice". Clearly I can appreciate the fact that things
sometimes slip through the cracks. That having been said, I have a bone to pick
with you.

This very morning I was opening mail and perusing a cool
advertising piece that arrived in the post when I saw the phrase "breath in the
aroma". Um... What? Not 10 minutes later I saw the same glaring error in a
separate email marketing piece that wanted me to "take time to breath". People,
the word is breathe. Notice the "e". It is somewhat critical to your
point.

Sure, you can try to blame it on spell check "changing" a word to one
that you didn't intend to use, but I think the problem is deeper. I think the
issue is that you seem to have forgotten what the words mean.

Breath is a noun. Breathe is a verb. I can only hope that
you understand the meaning of noun and verb.

Sincerely, Former advertising person with a new pet peeve.

OMG! Why does that bother me so much? Oh, I know, it is because the words aren't interchangeable!!

Also on my short list of late: Advise (the verb) vs. Advice (the noun)

I'm starting to have serious concerns about the state of our education system.

Tell me, what are your verbal pet peeves?

and the winner is...

2008-09-23T09:00:00.001-05:00

Me! Little 'ol me!

Dianna and Jen both gave me a Smile Award! I have to admit, I'm not sure I know what that is, but no matter. I won something! Woo!! Thanks, peeps!

Dianna's blog has long been one of my favorites. She has a perspective on things that is at least as skewed as mine and she has three of the most adorable girls in the world living in her house. Plus, one of her daughters might be in love with my son, and it's not the one that you think.

Jen's blog is one that I found much later in our process to bring home Bex. She's a nutritionist (or is it a dietitian? my sister is studying to be one of these in college and I never get it right. urgghh.) and has interesting things to say on the baby feeding front. Plus, she's quirky and fun and our kiddos share a birthday! Okay, not the same year, but the same day. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Seriously, chicas, I thank you!

Characteristics for the Smile Award:

Must display a cheerful attitude. Um... you guys read my blog, right? It's not always sunshine and roses around here.
Must love one another. Oh, I do. I love you all!
Must make mistakes. Check! When I make a mistake I do it up right!
Must learn from others. Hmmm. I certainly try.
Must be a positive contributor to blog world. OK, this is where I get hung up. I mean, I guess I'm a positive contributor, but it's not like I'm saving the world here.
Must love life. Would it ruin it for you to know that I've seen a lot of therapists and was at one point being treated for clinical depression bordering on manic? I'm fine now, but that sure wasn't pretty.
Must love kids. I love mine! LOVE. HIM. All the other kids in the world, well... that depends.

These are the rules for The Smile Award:

The recipient must link back the the award’s creator. Not to be disparaging here, but are we really following bunch of rules put together by a teenage girl? Nobody, and I mean NOBODY should have ever followed any rules I came up with during my teenage years.
You must post these rules if you receive the award. Fine. I'll comply.
You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself. See below.
You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award. That's not up to me to decide.
You must post the characteristics of a recipient. Sheesh! Enough with the rules already!
You must create a post sharing your win with others. Right. Because somebody is gonna give me an award and I'm gonna manage to keep that to myself.
You must thank your giver. See top of post.

The problem now is naming five blogs that haven't already been named. Hmmm...

It will come as no surprise that I don't do so well with the rules. So, again, thanks for the nomination ladies, but I think I'm about to spend some time in the naughty corner for this one.

I'm gonna name five blogs, maybe more, that I LOVE. Some adoption related, some not so much. Some have already received the award, others simply won't care about it. (Though, I question how anyone could manage not to care about an award!!) If the recipient wants to say they received the award then, hooray! You won an award! If not, no offense will be taken.

Shannon at Finding the Joy in the Journey. They were on the road to a VN adoption but found themselves unexpectedly preggers. Her blog is fun and uplifting and if you feel like a good cry, go check out this post about her Daddy. Sniff.
The Lawyerish blog. I love her writing style and wit, but be sure to read the comments left by others. Those are usually the icing on the cake. Especially on this post and this one.
Chuck at Lucy & Eli. Because the photos always make me feel like I'm there.
Erin at Stepping Stones. In addition to being a mom and a blogger she is also an amazing photographer who is not so patiently waiting to bring home her newest muse. If you live in the DFW are you should definitely schedule a session for some awesome pics!
Laurie at Pho for Five. How she has the energy to chase three kiddos under two I will never know. Plus she has really cool giveaways and other fun stuff for her readers in addition to insightful commentary on adoption, parenting, and life in general. (I'm sure she has been mentioned a million times but just in case you don't read her blog already, you should.)
Reagan at Controlled Chaos. A real life friend since junior high (you are trying to imagine our hair right now, aren't you?) and a generally awesome chick.

Of course, there are the bazillion and eighty others that have been mentioned by everyone else already, like Rachel and Christina, not to mention the other 96 blogs in my GoogleReader list or all of my pals with private blogs that it does no good to link to.

And my awesome Vietnam travel mates, Erin and Leslie!

And my real life support group, the VietMoms (see their links in the sidebar).

And do you people read Smitten Kitchen? OMG. Look at the food. Look. At. It.

There. That should keep all of you from being productive for a good half hour or so. : )

how not to shave.

2008-09-13T20:50:00.003-05:00

No, he didn't have access to any razors. I'm nowhere near that irresponsible. We were bored and decided to have some messy fun. I'm not sure Bex was impressed, but it did provide for a fun photo op. More pics here.

can you say...

2008-09-10T18:19:00.000-05:00

ADORABLE?

let there be light! and a healthy helping of other stuff

2008-09-09T14:38:00.003-05:00

As of approximately 4:oopm on Sunday, our power is restored. We are now free to go about our business and do crazy things like stay up past 7pm without the use of candles, and wash our laundry in the machine instead of the sink. Not that we did either of those things, mind you, but we would have if we had been staying at home. Lucky for us there was room at the Grandparental Inn.

Bex has recently uttered his first sentences. He said, "Bye bye, Grand Dad" and "Go, truck, go!"

I did a happy dance for the wonders of speech therapy.

Speaking of speech therapy, I noticed on a recent insurance statement that the billed rate is $418 per hour. $418! Fully aware that said therapist doesn't get to take all of that home herself, but if she did she'd be banking $870,000 per year. Not too bad for wearing shorts and playing with kiddos all day. No, I am not suggesting that said therapist does nothing more than play. Yes, I very much acknowledge the value of such therapy. But $418 an hour? Really? REALLY? We go three hours a week! That is $1254/week or $5016/month! Gulp! Thank goodness for insurance and tax payer funded early intervention programs!

According to JCICS, Vietnam has appointed a chief negotiator to work with the US on a new agreement. Hooray for baby steps!

I noticed for the first time today that the same JCICS page has changed the status of VN Adoptions from open to closed. I knew it was over, at least for a bit, but seeing the word on the web page made it feel just that much more real. Sniff.

On a random not, I can't stop thinking about baked goods. I want a brownie in a serious way. A really good one. Or maybe a chocolate chip cookie. Ohhh... maybe just cookie dough Or a Hershey bar. Alas, we have no such deliciousness in the house. I guess I'll settle for a fig newton. Not exactly the chocolate laden treat I was hoping for. Good grief. Hormones, anyone?

I'm off to use ridiculous amounts of electricity, just because I can.

powerless.

2008-09-05T16:38:00.002-05:00

Literally. I mean it. We are utterly without power. Electricity, I mean. Despite the fact that we live in Arkansas, Gustav packed a mighty wallop. Our town received close to 10" of rain in three days and somehow our power was effected. We have had no juice since Tuesday. Urggghhhh!! Ok, to be completely honest, the power did return for about 10 hours on Tuesday evening, but that was it. Even Beckett's preschool was closed due to outages. According to the repair guy spotted on the street today, the official line is that repairs will be complete by late Saturday, but he thinks Monday is a more realistic outcome. Awesome.

At least we have family close by that is letting us bunk with them. Otherwise this would be unpleasant in addition to aggravating.

And did I mention that I had just been on a marathon grocery shopping trip on Monday? Imagine my delight at the fact that all of my groceries are ruined and now in the trash and that the poor husband had to clean popsicle sludge off of the floor yesterday after it oozed from the freezer. Well, maybe that last part is sort of humorous... At least there are no maggots.

shades of grey

2008-09-02T08:19:00.002-05:00

Yesterday marked the end of adoptions between the US and Vietnam, at least for awhile. As for how long, nobody knows. Some rumors are saying that VN will be Hague compliant by April 09, yet that process takes a long time and 8 months doesn't seem achievable. Others think a new MOU will be in place by the end of the year, but since VN has not yet appointed a negotiator to work with the US, I find that a bit unlikely as well. I desperately long for things to be resolved so that all of the kiddos in orphanages can be united with their forever families, but above all else I want to make sure that those children aren't unwilling participants in unethical processes. In order to for better processes to be put into place, new legislation must be drafted, and for that, we wait.

The uncertainty surrounding this latest moratorium is nothing short of devastating. I am deeply saddened for those of you still waiting on referrals that didn't come by the cutoff date, and I pray that your continued wait will be brief.

grace.

2008-08-25T22:59:00.004-05:00

I'm not certain of the exact moment that I became Beckett's mom. The moment that I saw his photo? The first time I held him? Or was it way back when the idea of him first sprang to mind. On some level, I think that was it. To a certain degree, I became someone's mom the minute that I decided to do so... the minute that we began our adoption journey. I simply did not know who that someone was. Though the initial relationship may have been purely existential, there was no question that I was his mother after I had seen his tiny face. While we waited to bring him home I constantly fretted over his medical condition. I worried that something would go wrong, that he would be sick, and that I wouldn't be there to comfort him. On really dark days I contemplated the unthinkable and wondered if I could cope if something truly tragic occurred. The list of what ifs sometimes became overwhelming. I wondered if I would find the strength to make the hard choices. Sometimes I selfishly wondered if I would ever really be anyone's mom. In those moments it was easy to wish away the stress... to dream that some of our choices had been decided for us.

And then I think of my dear friend that made the choice to carry her terminally ill daughter to term simply because she was her mother, and mothers don’t give up on their kids. Her daughter deserved to be born. She deserved to be held, and kissed, and to feel love, and despite the unfathomably difficult choice to do so, that is exactly what her mother was able to give. I think of my friend’s strength, and faith, and grace, and I am reminded that the universe has a way of placing the right children with the right parents for the right reasons. My friend was, is, and always will be the the absolute perfect mother for her absolutely perfect daughter.

Today my heart is heavy as I learned that another friend was faced with tragic news. Due to some rather profound medical complications her daughter will not be coming home from Vietnam. Instead, my friend has made the decision to let her stay with the only family she has ever known, in a caring environment, surrounded by the love of her caregivers. She will not be coming to the US, rather her US family will help to provide for her care from a far. Though the relationship will not be the one that my friend was dreaming of, she was clearly united with right child at the right time, and she will take care of her daughter. Even if the title never becomes ‘official’. Even if the current grief is palpable. Even if the entire world seems to be crumbling. The wee little one will be looked after, because that is what moms do.

Lately I seem to know quite a few people who have been grieving children. None of their stories are exactly the same, but all of these women, every last one of them, managed to rise above the sorrow. They found the strength to embrace the choices before them, and acted with a mother’s grace.

A mother's grace.

Official titles be damned.

faye, faye, go away. no need to come back another day.

2008-08-24T21:33:00.002-05:00

Dude. This is my pal Reagan's driveway.

Photo from the Tallahassee Democrat.

She and her family are safe and dry, but they can't say the same for the car, or the garage...

or most of the neighborhood...

or the supremely unlucky fellow that was immediately behind them as the drove/floated out of the neighborhood.

One word: YIKES!

You can read the whole harrowing tale here. SO glad they are ok.

i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier.

2008-08-22T12:41:00.002-05:00

Clearly having been swept up into some sort of commercialized Olympic frenzy, I am about to mention yet another brilliant piece of advertising artistry. No, I am in no way receiving any love from Nike or Coke. I just dig this ad, and in a major way. I get a wee bit teary every time I see it, I'm not gonna lie. This leads me to two conclusions. Either it is a brilliant piece of marketing or I am emotionally and/or hormonally unstable. Clearly I like the first option best. : )

Enjoy.

i'm looking at you.

2008-08-21T21:14:00.004-05:00

Hey! You! Yea, you. You know who I am talking to.

You are still in process with Vietnam, right? Then run, don't walk to the JCICS page to help with their current information gathering initiative. JCICS, Ethica and NCFA are asking families in process to complete their Vietnam Survey no later than Friday, August 22nd.

See why you need to run? I didn't exactly give you much notice. Of course, one would hope that you have better news sources than me.

If you are already home with your kiddo and not currently in process, well, it looks like your input is not currently needed. I know. It's a travesty.

dos responds to jcics ccoa letter and i rant a little

2008-08-13T07:39:00.003-05:00

You can read the response letter here.

It states, in part, that:

In the interim, we want to work with the government of Vietnam to address problems in Vietnam's adoption system through intermediate steps, which would enable us to pursue a new, interim adoption agreement allowing adoptions under a system that is more transparent and protects the children and parents involved.

..... ..... .....

The US Embassy in Vietnam has communicated to senior Vietnamese officials our willingness to negotiate a new agreement within these parameters, so long as Vietnam is making progress towards bringing its laws and procedures to meet Hague Convention standards. Regrettably, there has been no reciprocal GVN commitment to pursue a new bilateral agreement. We are still awaiting the appointment by the GVN of a senior interlocutor to move this process forward.

It certainly sounds as if the US is willing to try to work something out, however I am not hopeful for a prompt resolution. Seems to me that a moratorium will be imposed and will take awhile to resolve. Even if a new agreement is put in place, such agreements would likely take months or years to be proposed, approved, and put into effect. I don't mean to be a downer. I certainly don't know how things will play out in the end, and I admit that the tenor of this letter is somewhat positive, but the reality of the situation is that the bureaucratic process takes time. I want to see resolution now. I want to know that more kiddos have found their forever families and I want to know that the process was ethical. I want that for my own family, my own child, and (hopefully) a second wee person in our household. I want the same things that everyone embroiled in this mess wants. Unfortunately, like many in this mess, I am biased.

Without the honor of expanding my family through a miracle from Vietnam, I would likely not be as interested in how this situation is unfolding. If I was not focused on, and hopeful for, a second future child from Vietnam, I would not be so keenly interested in new agreement. I hope above all hopes for a quick resolution, but I am too much of a realist to let my mind dwell there for long.

As much as I hope, and dream, and pray that resolution will come so that I can again expand my family, I acknowledge that child number two will likely have a different country of birth. He or she will probably not share a cultural heritage with their big brother. Things will likely not work out in reality as they do in my twisted little brain. This in no way makes future second kiddo "less than". It simply means that when we are ready to begin the process for number two, we will get to experience th joy of embracing yet another cultural heritage and fall madly in love with yet another country. That may not have been the original plan, but little in life is. At some point I just need to realize that I can't plan everything, and that is a bitter pill.

All of that being said, I AM confident that that the steps being taken now will benefit countless children and families in the future. I am certain that many more families will be forever enhanced by the presence of a child from Vietnam, and I know that countless children will take an ethical journey to their forever families, just as the parent that relinquished them intended.

I have faith for the future of Vietnamese adoption.

Even if that future isn't about my family.

Even if I am incredibly whiny.

I do.

olympic fever

2008-08-11T08:08:00.005-05:00

Did you SEE the Mens 4x100 relay last night? Did you?? What? You were doing something more productive with your time than watching TV all night? Well, prepare to be enlightened. It. Was. Awesome! Watch the video here.

Also, Hoang Anh Tuan won a silver for weightlifting and became the second Vietnamese athlete ever to win an Olympic medal. Pretty darn cool, I must say. (To clarify, this pic is from another weightlifting competition. He did not win three Olympic medals. At least, not yet.)

Anyway, I am all about the Olympics. You may have noticed my snazzy new medal count widget on the upper left. Don't worry, it won't hang around after the games are over. Anyway, you can hook yourself up with a number of cool Olympic widgets here. Also, I'm sort of in love with this commercial.

As for tonight, I suggest that you park it on the sofa and watch some of the drama unfold. Phelps and crew will swim some more, girls in bikinis will play lots of beach volleyball (i mention that just in case a few random dudes might read the blog), and the Mens gymnastics finals will wrap up (Go Raj!). It would be a terrible shame if you missed out on the excitement two nights in a row.

Go world!!

things people say

2008-08-10T08:04:00.003-05:00

Usually the random inappropriate comments are something that only I get to experience, but this weekend Ken was lucky enough to have his very own uncomfortable conversation with a stranger. Lets call her RW, or Random Woman.

Ken: Yeah, he's definately our son. He has a lot of attitude and he's working on a smart mouth.

RW: Oh, you and your wife have other children?

Ken: Pardon?

RW: Well, when you said 'our son' I assumed you were talking about a biological child.

Now, to be fair, she meant this innocently enough, but really, Random Woman, Bex IS our son. I didn't have to birth him to make that a fact.

I had my own chat with Random Woman number two.

RW2: So, does he have any brothers or sisters?

Me: Nope. He's our only.

RW2: I meant siblings. You know...

Me: No. We just have the one.

RW2: No, I mean REAL siblings.

Hey, RW2, guess what? I have two sisters and one brother. They are my siblings, my REAL siblings. Sure, we might be related only by marriage or through one parent's genetics, but we are a family just the same. Sort of like how my kiddo is an only child as we have no other children. I guess by her definition all step-siblings and half siblings are officially null and void as family.

I understand curiosity. What I don't understand is the need of strangers to delve into my child's past. Asking about his ethnicity is one thing, but asking intimate details of his birth is something else entirely. That information is his to share should he choose to do so, but it is not mine to spread to the world through small talk with random individuals.

Grrr. Talking to strangers is fun.

vietnam camp 2008

2008-08-04T20:12:00.003-05:00

There you have it. Approximately 60% of Dillon's Vietnam families gathered in one spot. Not a bad looking group, if I say so myself. Next year I expect this photo to be even more crowded and I can hardly wait.

misunderstood

2008-08-01T08:14:00.003-05:00

I am having mixed feelings about the current Vietnam situation. One the one hand, I want to make sure that as many children as possible are united with families that will love and nurture them. On the other hand, I think it imperative that we are certain that said children are truly in need of such unification and weren't placed into the orphanage through some horrible string of greed related events. A transparent, ethical process is what we all need. The question is about creating systemic change that will facilitate ethical practices. I hate to say it, but I think that such change is extremely difficult to implement. Of course, baby steps are being taken. Meetings are being held with the right people. The Vietnamese government seems to be on board. Even today a meeting is being held by JCICS and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption to bring the Vietnam issues, among other things, to light in hopes of gaining support for an interim agreement between the US and VN. That is a good thing.

My concern lies with our representatives.

Over the span of several months I sent numerous faxes, emails, and letters to Mark Pryor, Blanche Lincoln, and Vic Snyder. Hey, guess where I live? I left messages with their aides via phone, and encouraged friends and family to do the same. Blanche Lincoln signed the letter to Sec. Rice in support of VN adoption reform and backing an interim bilateral agreement. Pryor and Snyder did not. No, sir. Instead, Vic Snyder's office sent me not one, but 6 letters thanking me for supporting his work with Vietnam Veterans. What?? Did they even read the first two sentences?!?! Pryor's office sent me at least five printed and bound copies of the MOU that I referenced in my letter, and a copy of the state department's info page on Vietnam, stating that I should "find these resources helpful if interested in adopting from Vietnam". Dude, thanks. Clearly I needed a copy of the agreement since I'd never read it before. Oh wait, yeah, I had read it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in the effing correspondence! OMG! It's no wonder my reps didn't sign the letter to Condoleeza. They probably won't go to the big hoedown today either, as their aides are clearly incompetent. At least, I'm hoping it is just their staffers. Sheesh!

Speaking of folks who didn't take the time to sign, McCain's name is conspicuously absent. Interesting to me as he is not only a member of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption, but an adoptive parent himself. And before you site his campaign as the reason he couldn't find the time to sign, both Clinton and Obama managed to pick up a pen.

I know that our agency is above board. They have a separate humanitarian license for Pete's sake. I am good with Dillon. I believe that our adoption was ethical. When we were in VN the I600 process was a bit different and we had an interview with the head of I600 processing in HCMC. She assured us that our agency was fantastic and that there was no history of problems with their referrals. Always a nice thing to hear.

However, I am certain that corruption exists. Poke around on the internet and you can find numerous stories of corruption on both sides of the ocean. It is heartbreaking that a few bad people are shutting down an entire system, effecting untold numbers of children. I believe that there are many legitimately orphaned children that need homes. Many more benefit from the humanitarian aid that adoption agencies help bring to the country.

Right now, in Vietnam, our agency knows of 160 children who are in desperate need of various heart surgeries. These children are not all orphans, though some surely are, and they need help. Yesterday I was told that eight of these kiddos are now considered to be critically ill, and without donations there simply isn't funding for the surgeries. The cost? A mere $2500 per operation. Staggering, I know. Yet these are not the only needs. Daily care of the children in the centers is roughly $35/month. Not much, but multiply that by the hundreds of children cared for, and the sum quickly becomes substantial, especially if humanitarian aide dollars are dwindling.

We chose Dillon International, in part, because we appreciated their humanitarian efforts. Even when a program shuts down, they stay in country and care for the children to whom they are committed. They do not close centers because intercountry adoptions have ceased, rather, they raise funds to continue their programs. I'm certain that other agencies do the same. Some, at least, but not all. I fear for the repercussions that this impending shut down will have on the humanitarian side of things, and I pray that resolution happens quickly. Not for the sake of potential adoptive parents, but for the sake of the kiddos trapped in the middle, and for the birth parents that made a decision to relinquish their child into the care of an orphanage . Those parents placed their children there with purpose and we owe it to them to honor their intent.

Personally, I would like to see an interim agreement that would allow intercountry adoptions to continue in a more transparent way. I only hope that congressional confusion doesn't muddy the waters too much.

broken a/c + brain freeze + blue icing + the big zero two = belated blogging

2008-07-25T14:04:00.005-05:00

It is official. I am the mother of a toddler. A "terrible two". Yipes. Check out that smile. This little turkey is gonna be trouble. You can just see it in his eyes.

Bex celebrated his birthday by splashing around with some pals and consuming copious amount of blue icing. Mmmm.... dye.

My mom has become quite adept at documenting life's little milestones and snapped about a zillion pics of the party. Ok, it wasn't quite a zillion, but 300 is close enough. Somehow my paltry photo sampling seems inadequate. I'd share my photos too but I can't seem to located the camera's USB cord. Where could it be?? We didn't even turn on the video camera! What kind of mother am I? The kind who wasn't thinking clearly because of the heat, that's what kind.

So, our AC bit the big one. No, an AC is not a luxury in our part of the country. It is H-O-T, and I'm grumpy when I'm sweaty. Living without it simply was not an option. I kid you not, I would have been divorced and/or dead from heat stroke within a matter of days. Bleh. I don't do hot. Anyway... We broke down and bought a window unit to keep us cool and reasonably sane while we waited for the new system to be installed. Yep. System. We don't do anything small around Casa Myers. No sir. Seems the existing furnace and other HVAC bits weren't going to play well with today's new fangled air conditioners. Can you tell I have no idea what I am saying? In the end, we had to replace the whole stinkin' system. OMG. A couple buckets of money and several weeks later, we are happily residing in a home full of cool air. Whee.

I really have nothing to blame for my absence from blogging, other than sloth. Well, sloth and complete lack of inspiration. I just haven't managed to get my butt in gear lately. I'm blaming the heat. I have some things to say on the VN adoption front but I think I will keep that to myself for a bit as I gather my thoughts.

Hoping everyone is staying nice and cool, and I promise I won't let this happen again. Unless the new AC breaks. Then all bets are off. : )

where, oh where, has jessica gone? oh where, oh where, can she be?

2008-07-09T12:41:00.002-05:00

Right, so it was going to be a busy week from the beginning. I have work to be done, party things to accomplish, and preparations for our soon to arrive house guest, but everything has ground to a halt as our airconditioning has broken for the second time in less than a month and I am doing everything in my power not to melt into a sweaty puddle on the floor. Bleh. I'm told the AC peeps will be here between 1 and 4 tomorrow. Yes, that is the best that they could do. No, they did not care that we were existing customers, that their ad said "24 hour service guaranteed. Late nights and weekends are not a problem", that two of the occupants of our house technically have heart conditions and don't do heat well, or that they had just "fixed" the effing thing three weeks ago. They straight up didn't give a hoot. I'm somewhat certain they are in league with the devil.

So, instead of cleaning or getting in any way ready for the birthday festivities scheduled to take place on Saturday morning, I'm basically trying not to move. Here's hoping we have a solution to this nightmare tomorrow afternoon. I'm off to stand in front of my open freezer for awhile.

happy fourth of july!

2008-07-04T21:29:00.005-05:00

This was the scene on July 4, 2007:

We arrived home from VN with the world's cutest 11 month old baby boy exactly one year ago today. It blows my mind that we have been home for a year. Where does the time go?

Anyway, I snapped this shot of Bex at the airport last week as we waited for some friends to arrive home with their sons. Seems the ideal shot to commemorate the occasion.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

must have been a long morning

2008-06-29T07:17:00.000-05:00

Those of you who have had the pleasure of hanging with the little dude know that he is, um, er... high energy. Despite his tendency to run non stop he is almost never without some degree of battery remaining. The other day, however, his battery blew and he gave out in the middle of lunch. For reference, snoring and chewing are difficult to do simultaneously.

Bex enjoyed some Gotcha Day cake with whipped cream. I don't need to tell you that he inhaled it. Mmmmm... cake.

He's also been into popsicles lately. Cute, but messy. You can see more June pics here.

This evening we have a gathering with a bunch of adoptive families. Some of our favorite parents will be there with some of our favorite kiddos. Adorable photos to follow.

Also, well wishes for safe and happy travels go out to our pals, the Condrays. They head out today to bring their little man home from South Korea. Hurry home guys, we can hardly wait to meet him!

home again, home again

2008-06-28T11:02:00.005-05:00

We got up bright and early this morning and high tailed it to the airport to welcome home Tricia & Shelley and their respective peeps. It was, in a word, lovely. I don't think I will ever tire of watching as a family returns home with their newest addition, and I thank my friends for allowing me to share in their joy.

Congratulations, guys! The boys are beautiful. I know you are glad to be home , and we are glad to have you back. Enjoy some sleep in your own beds tonight!

one whole year

2008-06-25T08:01:00.003-05:00

Today marks the one year anniversary of our G&R. I hate to admit that we have no grand plans. We try to go out for VN food on the 25th of each month so we tend to mark it monthly in our own little way. Last night I made cupcakes for the occasion and it looks like Bex might get to hang out with his buddy Sophia. In his book cupcakes + Sophia equal one heck of a party, so I suppose I should amend my initial statement.

Happy gotcha day little dude!

one plus one plus one is three

2008-06-23T15:14:00.004-05:00

This time last year we were in Vietnam. I remember waking up at 3:30am all geared up for the day, the day we would finally lay hands on our little dude. Sure, it's only 3:16 in the afternoon here, but in Vietnam it is almost 3:30 in the morning, and that seems a perfect time to post a video of our journey. Enjoy some highlights from our first year as a family of three. I'm told the video may not be embedding correctly, but it's fine on my end. If it doesn't show up just click on the video link above. Sorry!

Yeah, i know the song is sappy and a bit overdone, but hey, it was the right length and I like the sentiment. Also, it may take the video a minute or two to load, just FYI.

one year ago today...

2008-06-20T15:37:00.005-05:00

One year ago today we set out bring our little dude home.

The flight sucked, but the company was good, at least on the second half.

And the end result, well, I think you know how that worked out.

: )

vietnam family weekend

2008-06-19T10:17:00.002-05:00

Whew! Last weekend was insane! We trekked to Tulsa for Dillon's Vietnam Family Weekend.

Beckett got to meet Zack, Dori Grace, Ian, Dylan, Sarah, Avi Joy, Khoa and Eli, among many others. He was reunited with his old roomie Noah, his pal Phoebe, and our travel mate Loston. One would think this meant that I was able to have lovely conversation with all of their parents. Not so much. Bex was a wild man. From the moment we arrived until the festivities ended he ran, RAN at full speed, whizzing around other kiddos, climbing up and down steps, and chasing anyone who would let him do so. For my little dude it was absolute bliss. He is rarely in a room with so many kiddos (40 or so) and he was having a blast. Unfortunately for me, he has mastered going up steps, but down is not his strong suit, so we had to follow him around as he clambered up the steps so that one of us could be there to grab his hand when he needed help with his descent. Even with all of the chasing it was big fun.

There were lots of photos taken by a professional and as soon as I have access to those I will be happy to share. You can see my pics here, but there aren't many and the quality is seriously lacking. What can I say? Ken and I were busy.

The organizers did a great job. There were lots of activities to keep the wee ones busy (assuming that your wee one is easily occupied, which mine is not), great education sessions for the 'rents, and a super delicious Vietnamese lunch.

I very much look forward to attending this event every year. It's good for the boy and it's good for the mama. Now if we could just manage to schedule some parents only time so that we could chat, then it would be a perfect get together. Of course, I couldn't help but think of those who weren't in attendance. Rachel, Leslie & Meridith, we missed you guys! Shelley, Tricia, Stacy, Kim, Kelly, Kelly and Lisa, we hope to see you there next year!

Special thanks to Dianna's daughter for chasing my boy while I was catching my breath. If you guys ever move to my neck of the woods I'd like to keep her on retainer for baby sitting duty.

got 30 seconds to spare?

2008-06-17T09:39:00.002-05:00

If the answer is yes, then please take half a minute to add your name to this petition.

In short, this is a petition being submitted to the congressional coalition on adoption chairs to encourage them to use their influence to convince the department of state to allow all dossiers logged in by 7/1 to be processed and matched. In so doing this will allow countless kiddos to be matched with families as opposed to waiting in orphanages while our two governments hash things out.

I'm not saying that this petition will accomplish anything, but I certainly don't see how it could hurt.

One side note: It may look like you have to make a donation for your signature to be counted, however, NO DONATION IS REQUIRED TO SUBMIT YOUR SIGNATURE!! The signature is already recorded by the time you see the donation page. if you choose to make a donation it will go to support the petition administration site and WILL NOT go toward any type of adoption related humanitarian aide. Just FYI.

Next up: VN Family weekend recap

Need something to read right now? Go check out Tricia, Shelley & Paula's blogs. They are meeting their kiddos TODAY! So exciting!

vietmoms in vietnam

2008-06-14T21:34:00.005-05:00

Today two of my good pals, Tricia & Shelley, along with their families, set off for Vietnam to bring home their little dudes. Hooray!

This past Thursday we had our monthly VietMoms dinner and threw a little sending off party in their honor. Here they are with their adorable cake from Blue Cake Company.

Yumm... cake...

And here all all of the VietMoms, minus two lovely ladies that couldn't make it that night. Goodness, there are a bunch of us! Huge congrats to KellyO, one of the absent VietMoms, as she received the coveted I600 approval on Thursday and will be headed to VN in the next week or so. Happy news all around.

348 days

2008-06-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

As of tomorrow, Bex has officially been with us longer than he was at the center in Vinh Long. A family of three for 348 days. Day one was monumental, but day 349 is pretty big stuff too. Hopefully my little man feels secure. Hopefully he knows that we will never leave him. Hopefully he understands that he is very much our son and that we are very much his parents. Hopefully he has made peace with the trauma of his transition into our little family. Lofty thoughts for a two-ish year old.

oh, happy day-ay-ay! oh, happy day-ay-ay!

2008-06-02T21:09:00.002-05:00

SHELLY HAS A G&R DATE!!

TRICIA HAS A G&R DATE!!

Two of the local VietMoms are headed to VN together. They live in the same town and will have G&R ceremonies on the same day. How cool is that?? I can hardly wait to welcome them home and meet their boys.

SO FREAKIN' EXCITING!!!

mmm... milk.

2008-06-01T14:24:00.001-05:00

This week Bex figured out how to drink from a cup without any adult assistance, and things were going great.

Yep. Great. Right up until the cup sprang a leak. Darn cups.

yet another gentle nudge

2008-05-29T16:24:00.007-05:00

I know, I know. I need to get off the soap box all ready, but this is important.

Linh Song, Executive Director of Ethica left this comment on a post yesterday:

Thanks SO much for posting this and supporting our campaign! Ethica made great progress with this initiative and we're currently working on terms for the new MOU. I will also be traveling to Vietnam with the JCICS delegation to encourage adoptions to continue with more accountability and transparency. Don't give up hoping for baby #2 quite just yet!

Linh Song, MSW
Executive Director
Ethica, Inc.

Ethica is a great non-profit that bridges the gap between the various members of the adoption triad and help to insure that adoptions are ethical. Hence, "Ethica". Get it?

They are on the last leg of an important fundraising drive and Linh personally asked me to help spread the word. Every dollar counts, so if you find that all you can spare is a buck, please consider giving up a soda or two and sending the funds Ethica's direction.

What can your money do?

A $100 donation allows Ethica to administer humanitarian efforts for 1 month.
A $250 donation allows Ethica to train a state adoption regulator on adoption fraud and the need for adoption consumer protection laws.
A $500 donation can keep the Ethica phone lines open for 1 year.
A $1,000 donation can cover Ethica’s office rent for 4 months.

Why does it matter? Well, Linh can probably say it best...

Ethica receives 50-80 inquiries a week from adoption triad members in crisis. Over the past 6 years, we have assisted over 8,000 children and families, often advocating for them with the U.S. Department of State, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, and state attorney generals. currently we are actively assisting over 200 children and families in the U.S., Guatemala, Vietnam, Liberia, Haiti, and Nepal.
In the United States, in addition to answering many questions and supporting individuals through difficult situations, we have conducted a review of state adoption laws. We have testified in person and in writing on adopted people’s rights to their birth records. We have worked on cases involving the informed consent of first parents.

Our work involves human rights issues such as the trafficking of children into adoption. We have carried out several successful humanitarian aid projects to Liberia and Vietnam.

It is essential that Ethica continue to assist families in crisis and expand our advocacy initiatives. Ethica is the only truly independent adoption advocacy organization doing this vital work. Ethica represents all members of the adoption triad, and has no competing financial interest. To maintain our independence, we do not accept monetary support from anyone who places children for adoption.

Of course, without adequate funding Ethica will have to cut back on their efforts. Once again, from Linh:

We have 3 more days to fundraise in order to meet increasing requests for assistance with Vietnamese, Guatemalan, Liberian, Haitian, and domestic adoptions. Otherwise we'll be unable to continue some of our advocacy work. This includes my upcoming trip to Vietnam and efforts on new MOU terms. Each donation to Ethica goes such a long way to assist families in crisis.

Check under the couch cushions folks. It's time to give a little, or maybe a lot. I made a donation and I hope you do too!

for sophia...

2008-05-28T14:22:00.007-05:00

This post is dedicated to Beckett's buddy, Sophia. Hi, Sophia! Seems she loves her some Beckett videos. These are for her. Hear that, Monkey Girl? These are all for you. Enjoy!

As for everyone else, my apologies for the random baby cuteness overload... oh, and the spit sounds, and the crazy hair, and the bad singing. Sheesh. Why did I post these? Right. For Sophia.

oh.... i so need this

2008-05-23T13:27:00.002-05:00

Have you people seen these before? I had no idea they existed until tipped off by a friend. Check it out. This would solve 99% of my dinner time dilemmas with the boy. It would make the cookie baking process much easier. He would finally be able to reach the kitchen sink without me hoisting him onto my hip. It would mean that he could actually help with things as opposed to constantly being told "be carfeful", "no sir, that's not for Beckett" and "no touch". I want him to be comfortable in the kitchen and have the confidence and ability to help with food preparation. I want him to love having his hands in flour as much as I do. Do you need one too? Check out Kiddin Around, Williams Sonoma or My Step Stool.

If any of you already have one I'd love to hear you thoughts. As for me, I'm off to convince the husband that Bex and I need one.

Not that I need his permission. It's just that since it would have a largeish footprint in the smallish kitchen it seems prudent to make sure that all parties are on board. Right-o.

a wee bit o' hope

2008-05-21T23:09:00.002-05:00

What would you say if I told you that there might be some forward momentum on VN adoption reform?

What would you say if I told you that YOU could help?

Here's the deal. JCICS is spearheading a massive initiative that just might get the proper attention and force the right folks to take notice. In a nutshell, JCICS is urging the U.S. and Vietnam to sign a new MOA before September 1, 2008 allowing ethical adoptions to continue while in the meantime working to resolve suspected abuse. Nobody wants unethical adoptions to take place, but the path to eradicating corruption doesn't have to mean a stop to humanitarian aide for orphanages.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS- HOW YOU CAN HELP!!!!!

1.Read this - A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam

2. Send an email no later than May 30th to advocate@jcics.org saying you are in support of this campaign! Your email will be included in a petition to Congress!

3. On June 2nd, 3rd, or 4th please contact your Congressional Representatives and Senators and ask them to support A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.

Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representative in the U.S. House of Representatives.
You can find your Senators’ phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov
You can find your Representatives’ phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov
Include the following in your calls and emails: ”I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to join the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Co-Chairs and sign their letter to Secretary Condoleezza Rice in support of the recommendations found in Joint Council’s A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.” If they have not heard about the Campaign, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition for Adoption Institute at 202-544-8500 or Joint Council on International Children’s Services at 703-535-8045.

4. Send an email to everyone you called. The e-mail is important, but the phone call should be placed first!

5. Ask your friends and family to help the cause by following in your footsteps and taking action themselves.

This is the letter I'm sending to my representatives.

A three day weekend is coming up. Take a few minutes to compose a quick note, and mark your calendar to call your reps on June 2nd, 3rd, or 4th. It won't take long, and your spare time could make a huge difference in the lives of many of Vietnam's children and America's families.

shoe fettish

2008-05-21T14:10:00.003-05:00

I love shoes. Love them. I get all giddy about the fall boot releases ever year and I am seriously into some crazy print skimmers a'la Rocket Dog lately. Anyway, I am making it my mission to raise a man with good taste in shoes. I realize this will be detrimental to the 'ol pocketbook in the coming years, but I feel that it is a worthy investment.

Bex recently acquired a pair of Morgan & Milo shoes. They are awesome. Classic with a slight edge, neo conservative with a bit of a hipster vibe. Did I mention that I love them? Also, they have been through the washer and dryer about six times now without any loss of shape. Could a mom really ask for more out of her wee man's kicks?Also, if I had a girl she would totally have these.And Bex will likely be sporting this pair in the near future.So, what shoe does you hear skip a beat over? Yours or your kiddo's. Spill it.

holy crap, or the one where i decide to have a beer in the middle of the day

2008-05-16T16:25:00.004-05:00

WARNING: This may be overly graphic for some. There may be repeated use of the word "poop" and it's various synonyms. Iffin' you aren't into a gnarly poo saga I suggest that you move on to another blog.

Got it?

You've been warned.

There's still time to click on another link.

Still here? Fine.

Today had all of the makings of a wonderful day. The weather is lovely. The boy was in a stellar mood despite extremely limited sleep last night. The husband is coming home from his week long business trip this evening. I managed to get a shower AND dry my hair. We had plans to go to the local Greek Food Festival (Yummers!!) with my good friend Court (Hi Court!) and it was shaping up to be a fabulous day. Cut to the food fest. Bex is kicked back in his ride and starts to fuss. Then he starts to scream. Court and I make a quick run to the baklava booth to buy some pastry and then high tail it outta there since we are mid baby meltdown. The boy screams all the way to Court's house. He screams all the way home. Despite a full belly and a clean dry diaper he continues to scream. He has no fever. He isn't bleeding. And yet he still screams. He must be tired, right. No dice. He vehemently objects to napping. He fights and struggles and refuses to sit or lay down. He claws at his pants and suddenly I begin to get the hint. I remove the offending shorts and decide to change the diaper but it is still clean and dry. WTF? Then the boy grabs hold of the side of the changing table and bears down like he is giving birth. All the while, still screaming. Constipation, people. Constipation the likes of which I hope never to experience personally. Screaming and clawing and gnashing of teeth continued for almost four hours. Yes, I called the doctor. Several times, in fact. My mom, bless her, went to the store and brought me glycerin suppositories and milk of magnesia. By the time the meds arrived we were on the brink of the ER. The instructions were to give him the milk of magnesia and wait about 15 minutes. If nothing happened then we were to move on to the glycerin and then later the ER should there be no progress. Um... I am afraid of Milk of Magnesia. Scared, I tell you. That stuff works. Damn near instantaneously in certain doses. I almost googled it to find an explanation of the mechanics of its method but decided I would rather not know. We avoided the ER and the suppository, not that you asked, because the dude managed to defy the laws of physics and poop something that was roughly the size of my arm. An arm, people. An arm!! As in the appendage to which your hand is affixed. Dear Lord, the horror. I'm not sure but think I actually saw part of his colon emerge. (Insert your own gagging noise here.) Of course, since he somehow managed to poop an arm I suppose that is not particularly surprising. Blehhhh!! Everything seems to be back in its proper place now so no need to worry.

The little man is now blissfully napping after what I'm certain were several hours of excruciating pain. I'm having a beer. If you know me then you'll understand the gravity of that statement as I pretty much never drink beer.

Despite the fact that my teenage son will likely disown me for ever having dared to share a poo story with so public a forum, I felt that you might need to share in my trauma. An arm. AN ARM! Oh. My. God.

bon voyage, basil.

2008-05-14T21:21:00.000-05:00

Tonight I said goodbye to Basil the cat. After 10 years together it was clear that she was no longer happy in our home. She never forgave us for adding a dog to the family and bringing home a baby only added insult to injury. After countless chats with the vet regarding behavioral issues regarding the baby, we decided to find Basil a new home as opposed to putting her on mood altering drugs. She was not psychotic, she just hated the dog and the boy. Her new home is in the country and has a large area that she will be able to roam. They have bay windows with lots of sun. Her new owner specifically asked if I thought the cat would be willing to sleep with her in bed. As Basil's favorite night spot is curled up on my pillow next to my face, I think her new home will be a close runner up to kitty nirvana. We'll miss her, but I truly believe she will love her new home. Farewell kitten. We love you.

thank you, sir. may i have another?

2008-05-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

I have a sickness. Truly. I want another kiddo around here. It's bad. Probably hormonal. Definitely insane. I've felt this way for a while but things are getting, er..., more intense. I think about names, and schools, and takings the boys (yeah, I said boys) to after school activities, and making cupcakes for class birthdays, and cleaning up scraped knees, and perpetually living in fear of the rogue lego or matchbox car beneath my bare foot. I contemplate weddings, and colleges, and, because I like to be prepared for surprises, approaches to parenting a homosexual son. I wonder about first dates, and driver's licenses, and scholarships and test scores. When I lay in bed at night and plan the next days events I think about how things would happen differently if I had to coordinate things with two little folks, and I develop theoretical plans of action, and then I am ever so slightly sad that there aren't two. At least until breakfast the next day when I begin to wonder if I would ever manage to dry my hair again if I had to take care of more than one dude each morning. Neuroses aside, what was once a far off thought has become a deeper palpable yearning for another little person in our house. A fourth to complete the clan.

Bex was real in my mind for much longer than I had a face to identify him with. Number two, whomever, where ever, he (or she) may be is becoming increasingy realy to my psyche. After bring home the boy, I assumed that number two would also be Vietnamese. Of course, in earlier years I never would have thought that I would be the mother to a boy who was born on the Mekong Delta. All that to say, I am increasingly curious about how number two will make his or her grand entrance to the family. Should be interesting.

And before you go getting any lofty ideas, I am absolutely, positively, not preggers. Also, the husband and I have an agreement to wait until July 2009 to file any adoption applications. Looks like I'm in for a long wait for that grand entrance. Ughhhhh... I need to stop obsessing but I just can't help myself.

22 months and why I hate the cat

2008-05-12T13:48:00.003-05:00

The Bexter is twenty-two months old today. That's two months short of two years for those of you who are keeping track. We have a full fledged wild man of a toddler on our hands. Help.

At this very moment the boy is in his crib. Awake. Not napping. Awake. Talking in fact. He is calling for his DaDa, but since Ken is away on business until Friday I fear that the boy will be disappointed to find that nobody but me will be coming to his rescue today. In any event, he should be napping. He should be asleep all cozy in his bed, but the cat managed to hide under his crib. After I had deposited the wee man for nap time and exited the room I started to hear the cat yowling. I finally found her. Under the crib. Needless to say, after the excitement of a cat extraction from beneath his bed, Bex is hesitant to sleep. I can't say I blame him. He's probably wondering what else lurks below his mattress. Poor kid will need therapy. All that to say, I hate the cat.

happy mothers day!

2008-05-11T13:25:00.002-05:00

Bex and I decided to make some cookies for the local grandmothers. We had a big time. The boy especially enjoyed doing a little quality control on the chocolate chips. Dumping cups of sugar onto the floor was a close second. Sampling the finished product wasn't half bad either.

Hoping that all of the moms out there have a great day.

If you wanna see more pics of the baking extravaganza, click here.

all smiles

2008-05-07T14:39:00.003-05:00

Too often I post pics where the boy looks terribly serious. To be fair, he is a rather intense fellow, but he does smile. He just prefers to make capturing his grin on film a challenge. To that end, here are a few of our most successful shots of the elusive smirk.

I am admittedly biased, after all, I'm his mama. But doesn't he have the cutest smile you have ever seen?

about those kleenex...

2008-05-07T14:29:00.005-05:00

boobs and tubes

2008-05-05T08:36:00.003-05:00

So, I recently had a good friend who discovered a rather suspicious bump in her, um, boobage. She went to the doc who didn't like said bump one bit and scheduled her for a mammogram. In the end, all is well and the bump in question was likely little more than blunt force trauma due to toddler impact. Thank goodness! The point here is that her scare served as a reminder that it is important to check things out regularly, regardless of your age. Breast cancer doesn't care if you are over 35 or not. So, don't forget to check out your girls, girls.

__________

The boy is allowed to watch TV. Yep. You heard it here first. I'm not saying it's all TV all the time, but he does get to enjoy some daily viewing. If you are a no idiot box household, I suggest you skip this portion and save the "evils of television" rants for yourself.

Two new shows have recently become household favorites. Bex cheers, dances, and interacts with the on screen characters of both shows. It is super cute and, I'm convinced, educational.

Check out Super Why (thanks for the tip on this one, Jenn) and Ni Hao Kai-Lan.

__________

It suddenly occurs to me that the title might come off as a bit suggestive. So not the intent. My grand-dad always called the television a "boob tube". Hence, the title was intended as a clever play on that phrase and nothing else. I swear.

a call to action

2008-05-02T09:21:00.004-05:00

If you read this blog you have an interest in ethical adoptions from Vietnam. You owe it to the orphans in VN and the families all over the world who are waiting to adopt these children to send a quick note to your congressmen and senators. 15 minutes out of your day might just do a little good in the world.

Visit this Ethica page and scroll down to copy the suggested email.

If you live in Arkansas, just follow these links to send a letter to your reps.
Email Vic Snyder. Email Blanche Lincoln. Email Mark Pryor.

If you live elsewhere go here to look up your reps and contact them.

Everyone should also send an email to Senator Joe Biden, Foreign Relations Committee Chair. If you really get a bee in your bonnet you can send notes to every member of the foreign relations committee. I did.

Go ahead. Send the emails. You know you wanna.

of tears and cheap kleenex...

2008-04-28T23:06:00.003-05:00

Some things are worth the money. I'll buy off brand pasta or salt or aluminum foil. I will not buy off brand tissues. I am firmly entrenched in the Kleenex Camp. Maybe, maybe puffs with aloe and menthol if I am sickly, but the rest of the time I am a Kleenex girl. Why? It's simple, really. Kleenex tissues don't leave residue on your face after a good long cry. I'll admit it. I've spent some time in a therapist's office from time to time, and I am not afraid to let the tears flow and work my way through half a box of tissues during my appointed hour. Hence, the residue. One therapist in particular had a habit of buying lesser tissues. Said tissues would leave a film of white powdery fuzz on my cheek. Unfortunately for me, the powdery mess did not appear until about an hour after use. Just long enough for me to get settled back into my chair at work and start some serious face to face chats with my coworkers only to have them ask, not why my eyes were puffy, but what the fuzz was all over my cheeks. I HATED those cheap Kleenex wanna-bes. So what if your clients plow through 12 boxes a day? You make like $300 per hour. Spring for the good tissues, I'm begging you!!

All that to say, the impending VN shutdown has had me a crying mess, and I'm not even in process. My heart goes out to all of my friends involved in the VN adoption world. I think that I am finally out of tears, but thankfully I still have plenty of Kleenex. The good ones. Heck, I might even have ice cream and I can always whip up some cookie dough, so come on over if you need a good cry.

Amidst all of the sadness back here in the good 'ol US of A, my good blog buddy Jen is in Vietnam meeting her very own little dude! In fact, I think she is officially his mama as I type this. Congratulations!!

darkness

2008-04-25T08:46:00.003-05:00

I was confident that the US and Vietnam would work together to renew their agreement. The end goal, at least with ethical agencies and ethical government officials, is to find families for the children who need them. That seemed just noble enough to work through the varied points of view to arrive at a new agreement. I just knew it would happen. I was certain that we would be discussing a new application for the Vietnam program early next year if not before. At the moment, I just don't know. Vietnam is our country of choice for babe number two. It looks like the question is becoming how long we would be willing to wait.

Today the US Embassy in VN issued an official warning regarding VN options. You can read it here.

And then they issued the foreboding sounding Summary of Irregularities, which is every bit as disheartening as one might assume. Oh. My. God. I can barely even process this document. Previous statement implied that the corruption was isolated two a few provinces and a handful of corrupt judges. This... this sounds much more widespread. This makes my nervous.

I have no option but to believe that since we were issued I600 approval and a visa that there was no question regarding our child's orphan status. If I allow myself to question the validity of his documents my mind wanders to places that it simply should not go, thus I cannot allow myself to explore such questions. His documents were and are valid. Case closed.

What I can allow myself to wonder about is the birth country of his future siblings. Will they be Vietnamese? Korean? Cambodian? Chinese? I would prefer for my kids to have a shared cultural heritage, but if they have different birth countries I like the idea of said countries being in the same part of the globe, and/or having strong cultural similarities.

Today is a heavy day.

welcome aboard the vomit comet

2008-04-21T22:46:00.004-05:00

The drainpipe from our sink and dishwasher has sprung a rather impressive leak, and since the plumber can't come until tomorrow and I am too lazy to cook and then wash my dishes in the bathroom, we went out for dinner this evening. During said dinner the wee man decided that his food was in fact so delicious that he would like to have dinner a second time. A man's belly can only hold one full meal at a time so the obvious choice was to expel his stomach contents. What did I do? I caught the puke in a napkin and didn't even stop my conversation with the husband. Then I handed the boy more carbs. Cause, you know, the best thing to do after a puke exhibition is eat more food.

It is a sad state of affairs when you realise that vomit is such a non event that you CATCH IT IN YOUR NAPKIN without skipping a beat. Seriously. This kid can toss his cookies with reckless abandon. Sometimes he does it on purpose. Sometimes is it an accidental side effect of gnawing on his fingers. Sometimes it happens for no reason at all, and sometimes the last bite pushes him over the edge.

I can't decide if this is an issue or a weird baby thing. I should probably ask the doc, but the boy never seems bothered and I tend to forget about the puke until confronted. Regardless, I am sick of the regurgitation, no pun intended.

shameless self promotion

2008-04-10T12:44:00.003-05:00

Dude. I sort of wrote a children's book. I know. Weird. It is a customizable story about the wait for a sibling from a child's perspective. The first books have focused on Vietnam but I look forward to expanding to other countries are the need arises. And there is now a cousin version available. And I'm not above making one for your dog, though my dog was never much into being read to.

Anyway, this is the website.

And you, my loyal readers, can get a 10% discount on any orders placed by 4/25 by mentioning this blog post.

OK. Enough with the sales pitch.

and now a word from our sponsor...

2008-04-04T14:34:00.001-05:00

an altogether fabulous day.

2008-04-03T14:55:00.004-05:00

One of the best parts of celebrating a birthday is having leftover cake for breakfast. This was my breakfast. Chocolate cake with chocolate ganache from Blue Cake Company. Yum-eee!

Then I got an unexpected call from my favorite hair stylist's salon saying that they had an unexpected opening this afternoon. Woot! It is near impossible to get in to see this woman, and I have needed a haircut for months. This is a (bad) picture of my sassy new bob.

Then, after the primping session, my mom watched the boy while Ken and I went to a local bar for one of my favorite foods in the world. That's right people, I had a hankerin' for bar food in the form of BBQ nachos. OMG! They couldn't be more delicious. Just the right marriage of salty, sweet and savory. This was my dinner.

And my good friend Kat FINALLY got tenure! Waa hooie! Try to fire her now university board! Um... not that she was in any danger of being fired.

AND my buddy Lawyerish FINALLY got her referral!! To think it only took a year. Gulp!

Yes, sir. This was a fabulous day.

comments on the dna issue from vvai

2008-04-02T20:47:00.000-05:00

http://www.adoptionintegrity.com/2008/04/02/the-leaked-dna-memo/

unrest.

2008-04-01T20:45:00.003-05:00

This evening I find myself horrified by yet another abrupt sweeping policy change imposed on the Vietnam adoption process by the USCIS. While the end goal seems to be an honorable one, the method is questionable.

As things currently stand, one of the last steps before going to VN to bring your child home is I600 approval. Now the US govt has decided that AFTER the I600 has been approved (a process that is currently taking between 60 and 120 business days) the child and the child's birth parents should be subjected to a DNA test. This testing is to be paid for by the adoptive parents and is expected to add at least a month, likely closer to three, to the waiting time. In addition, the testing seems to be focused on abandonment cases, but may also include cases of relinquishment.

So... lets say a child was left outside of an orphanage in the spring of 2004. According to the new policy said child's birth parent(s) would be tracked down, if that is even possible, four years after the fact, and asked to travel to either Hanoi or HCMC to submit a DNA sample. Yeah. As if that is going to happen.

You can read the full memo here.

If DNA testing must be performed, shouldn't it happen BEFORE the referral? This should happen before the I600 is approved. Before the family has accepted the referral of a child that may not even be adoptable due to the results of said testing. The potential emotional burden of this poorly executed policy change is almost more than I can comprehend.

I'm sure I'll have more to say as information trickles out. It is clear that I don't understand big government. At the moment my heart is heavy as I wait to see how this will impact my friends who have been waiting much too long already. Families in the Vietnam adoption world will not sleep easy tonight.

my apologies.

2008-04-01T20:43:00.003-05:00

Seriously, it was an April fools hoax. Admittedly in poor taste, but still, a hoax.

To quote a friend's mom, "We don't joke about referrals". Point taken. My bad.

Please don't hate me forever.

unbelievable news! we have a referral!!!

2008-04-01T07:53:00.006-05:00

They say lightning can't strike twice but apparently it can. This morning I received an email from our social worker about a waiting child that was a perfect match for us. Sure, we weren't on the waiting list or really in process at all, but in the end none of that matters. I grabbed Ken just before he walked out the door and we sat down together and called the SW. We instantly knew what we wanted to do, and we are proud to announce our daughter! She is one year old today and, get this, she's in VINH LONG! How cool is that? It's been a complete whirlwind and I am sorry for not calling family before announcing it here, but it was too early to call folks and I just had to share! So exciting! I'm such a proud mama! Here's a picture:

That got your heart rate up, didn't it?

APRIL FOOLS!

And, yes, I know I'm evil. : )

my boys, good news, and a side of experimentation

2008-03-25T07:48:00.006-05:00

Seriously, how cute are my boys? You can see all the easter pics here. Yes, I realize that my absence from almost all the photos makes Ken look like he is a single Dad. Deal with it people, it was a bad photo day for me.

In adoption land I am happy to report that paperwork is finally moving for some of my agency's families that have been stuck in a bit of a rut. Congrats to Shelley, Nadra, Lori, and the others whose blogs I don't have links to. Here's hoping for some April G&R dates. You gals better start packing!!

If you have been reading Vietnam Adoption blogs for long you probably read Pho for Four. I am currently obsessed with reading about Laurie's labor as she blogs it, and can hardly wait to read about her babe's entrance to the world. Birth is exciting, no two ways about it. Blogging during labor is pretty hard core. Having three kiddos under three, well, that's a little intense and makes me tired just typing it. Yipes!

On the experimentation front, I have decided to go cold turkey and pretty much quit my makeup. I know! Scary! I have been having skin issues lately and my face has been looking really dull. To that end, I have pared down to moisturizer (with sunscreen, of course), mascara, and lip gloss. On the upside, it only takes me about 30 seconds to get ready. On the downside, I have always been a bit self conscious about my super pale skin and ruddy cheeks. Hmmm. Perhaps this will encourage me to take better care of said skin so that it looks better whilst being naked to the world. Maybe I'll break down within days and revert to my old ways. All I know is that as of day two of the grand experiment, I am reasonably ok with the face that I am presenting. That and a random lady at the grocery store asked me what kind of makeup I used and I said, "just moisturizer". I like to think that she inquired because she admired my glowing beauty. In truth, she probably asked in order to avoid purchasing the foundation with the worst coverage ever. Since I'll never know for sure, I'm sticking with option A.

elmo does easter

2008-03-22T21:14:00.001-05:00

eat fruits and vegetables to grow healthy and strong

2008-03-21T07:51:00.004-05:00

We had Chinese food the other day and this was Beckett's fortune.

I must say, I have done a bit of a nutritional 180 with the boy. At first he ate only all organic, no preservatives, dye free, unprocessed foods. Now I'm just happy if he eats. He has discovered the beauty of choice and is exercising his ability to make decisions about his food consumption. Grrr! I think I liked things better when he didn't clamp his jaw shut and refuse to eat. At this point he pretty much subsits on carbs alone. My pediatrician tells me not to fret, that he will even out and that he is clearly not malnourished. I just wish I could get some non dairy proteins into his belly on occasion. Veggies would be swell, but he does eat fruit so I'm not too worried about that. I never thought I would say this, but I look forward to the human hoover of the teenage years. Forcing food in is no fun at all.

Speaking of food, we went to Cheesecake Factory in KC and consumed copious amounts of, well, cheesecake! Bex was unimpressed preferring to eat the whipped cream instead. Prior to dessert we ordered him some mac and cheese and the little turkey refused to eat it. Instead he begged for fries. So my son ate fries and whipped cream for dinner. Worst Mom ever. Bleh.

We had the pleasure of enjoying our cheesecake factory visit with our good pals the Condrays. They just happened to be in town and we were thrilled to see them. It is always great to catch up with old friends, but they managed to up the cool quotient a notch by announcing that they had just accepted the referral of a babe from Korea! Baby boy Condray is just about the cutest thing ever. Congratulations, guys! We are super excited for you!

big do'ins

2008-03-18T20:57:00.005-05:00

It was an eventful weekend.

Bex managed to survive his first long haul road trip thanks in large part to the DVD player. I must have a car DVD player of my own. It is necessary for my sanity.

We hung out with Ken's Mom and introduced the boy to his great-grandfather. Despite the fact that the camera is practically glued to my hip, I somehow managed to leave it in the car and neglected to take any pics of the meeting. Urghhh!

On Saturday we had the pleasure of a play date with Dianna and Pheebs! They are fabulous! Miss Phoebe is even cuter in person than she is in photos, and I couldn't get over how tiny she was next to Beckett. He looks like a giant. We had a fantastic time watching Ken chase the boy (thanks honey!) while the three of us girls sat and chatted. Well, Dianna and I chatted. Phoebe didn't have much to say. It is a truly odd experience to finally meet someone that you have talked to for the better part of a year. Suffice it to say, Dianna is every bit as snarky as I had hoped. We had to cut our visit short due to some pressing work issues on my part, stupid work, but it was fun while it lasted. I am looking forward to seeing the whole Kansas Family at the Dillon Family Day in June.

On the way home we had one of those unfortunate parenting firsts. Bex had been happily riding along when Ken happened to look in the baby-view mirror to discover a child completely covered in vomit. You'd think that completely encasing oneself in puke would have been an audible activity, but somehow our little dude managed to execute said task in complete silence. Impressive, yes. Disgusting, absolutely. We were miles from any place to pull over and since the little man was happy we drove on to the next exit and set about cleaning the nastiness from the boy and the carseat. I should mention that this was no easy task. Without going in to excruciating details let me say this: it took almost and entire box of baby wipes, two tshirts and a blanket to mop things up. Yuck.

Play Date, Kansas City Style

kansas city, kansas city here i come...

2008-03-14T00:26:00.002-05:00

The fam and I are taking an impromptu jaunt to KC this weekend to see some of the farther flung grandparents and great grandparents. I've borrowed a car dvd player (Thank you, Heather!!) in an attempt to keep some shred of sanity during the seven hour road trip. Seven hour road trip. As in, me, the hubster, and the wee man all in the same vehicle for seven hours. What was I thinking?? And why am I posting on the blog at 12:34 am instead of sleeping in preparation for said drive from hell? I'm clearly a bit touched. Here's hoping that we all survive. In news more closely related to blogland, Kansas Family's proximity to KC means that we are going to have a wee little meet-n-greet. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! I get to meet Dianna and Bex gets to meet his future prom date. Several posts are guaranteed on the flip side. Until then, have a great weekend.

And, Lawyerish, my apologies for the torture.

snowballs bad.

2008-03-04T22:18:00.003-06:00

When confronted by a snowball it is important to keep your cool and try not to panic.

Stand your ground and give the offending mass of frozen precipitation a stern glance.
Do not freak out. Snowballs can smell fear.

If snowball refuses to back off, locate the nearest escape route and use it.

Do not let the snowball touch you!

If necessary, contact Dad for extraction. Thanks goodness he was nearby.

snow day!

2008-03-04T14:31:00.002-06:00

Today we were able to introduce the boy to snow. He was NOT impressed.

he's king of the hill... or maybe the tv stand

2008-02-29T14:04:00.006-06:00

The boy is suddenly a climber. Heaven help us all. Today I left him alone in the living room for 2.5 seconds while I got myself a soda from the fridge and when I returned I found him standing on the TV table, snout to screen with the television deeply engrossed in an important chat with Elmo.

Later in the day I returned to find him perched on a table near our fireplace, one foot on the tabletop, the other foot on the window sill, stretching with all his might to reach our mantle. I firmly believe that if he had gotten a finger hold he would have found a way to swing himself onto the mantle, at which point I would have immediately enrolled him in some type of spiderman-esque gymnastics academy.

He has been sighted teetering on the back of the sofa, hopping on his rocker, and pretty much doing his best to clamber atop anything that stays still long enough for him to get a grip. I should mention that he is utterly incapable of dismounting his perches. Needless to say, I am bracing myself for the first ER visit. Gulp.

vietmoms!

2008-02-27T08:57:00.003-06:00

I am lucky to be a part of a group of adoptive mothers located in central Arkansas. We affectionately call ourselves Vietmoms as all of us came together through our shared involvement with Vietnam adoption. We have members in all stages of the process, and these women have been an incredible support network for me. Not all of the Vietmoms have blogs, but you can find links to those that do under the Vietmoms heading on the sidebar.

A few weeks back the ladies that live in Conway were featured on a local interest television program. They did a great job! I'm so proud. : )

crap and not crap

2008-02-26T21:25:00.006-06:00

I'm a busy chick, and like all busy folks I like things that make my life a bit easier. Sometimes I get lucky and discover something that makes me happy, but other times I find things that make life even more complicated than it was to begin with. To that end I've decided to start a semi-regular feature about said items in my life. Hence, crap and not crap.

Crap. Incoco Dry Nail Applique is complete and utter crap. I can't be held accountable for my purchase as I was seduced by their cunning marketing prowess. I found myself rolling through Walgreens, lamenting the state of my nails and wishing I had the time to put a coat of sassy color on them, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a beautifully enticing display of the "revolutionary" dry nail polish kits. I know. Nail polish is by definition not dry. That should have been my first clue. Unfortunately I has already begun to daydream about my soon to be five minute manicure, dropped a box into the cart and hurried home to give them a try. All I can say is thank goodness they were on sale, though free would have been too high a price. In theory you simply apply the applique to your nail, smooth it into place, file off the excess and then admire your work. Um. No. It didn't stick so smoothing was far less of an issue than adhesion. I reread the instructions. I even tried to warm my hands as suggested on their websit e, but no dice. The stupid things didn't stick. Guess I'll have to go get a real manicure.

Not crap. The Snack Trap snack cup. Love it. LOVE IT! It's a cool little cup with handles that is easy for little folks to hold. The lid is perforated so that a wee hand can go into the the cup, retrieve a snack, and exit the cup without spilling all of the contents onto the backseat of the car. Did I mention that I am in love with this thing? Sure, there is still the occasional stray cheerio cruising around the car but due to the snack traps' efforts their numbers are substantially diminished. All that to say, if you have little dudes or dudedettes who snack in the car, or the grocery cart, or the doctor's office, or really anywhere that you would prefer that the snack is somewhat contained, you need one of these. You need it. I bought mine at the local Baby Depot located in the Burlington Coat Factory, but I think they have them at Babies-R-Us as well, or you can go the the snack trap website.

all hail sir snotsalot and his arch enemy captain kleenex

2008-02-22T15:00:00.003-06:00

Is there anything more disgusting than baby snot? I'm not easily grossed out but I have to admit that the issues that accompany a sick baby snout tend to make me a little gaggy. I'm fine with a run of the mill runny nose, but throw in some unusual texture and a few fancy colors and I find myself feeling a bit woozy. To complicate matters, the little dude refuses to blow his nose on command, and believe me, he is fully capable of a gale force nose blow. The issue is the kleenex. He hates them with the kind of red hot fury that superman reserved for kryptonite. If the man sees a tissue in my hand he will drop to his knees and curl into a nearly impenetrable ball of baby. If I pick him up he always manages to thwart my attempts by wiping his nose on my shoulder. Though I applaud his ingenuity and appreciate the fact this his nose is indeed cleaner, I now have the previously mentioned nastiness on my shoulder. Guh-ross!! As karma would have it, I now have a runny nose myself. Maybe I should wipe my nose on his shoulder. : )

baby boom.

2008-02-15T08:31:00.002-06:00

Congratulations to my real life friends and fellow bloggers, Reagan and Tricia on the new sons!!

Tricia received the referral of little Liam on 1/29. Check out his photo. He is so sweet in his crazy little hat!

Reagan welcomed her new little dude, Jackson, to the world bright and early Monday morning. He looks just like his Mama, and if he is anything like his big sister he is gonna be trouble for sure.

CONGRATULATIONS!

how to make a v-day cake for your dad in 7 easy steps

2008-02-14T15:49:00.009-06:00

Step one: Locate a cake. If you happen to find one with a foundation layer of frosting, all the better.

Step two: Liberally apply red sugar sprinkles.

Step three: Artistically accent cake with contrasting frosting color.

Step four: Taste the frosting. Quality control is very important.

Step five: Admire your creation.

Step six: Admire your mess.

Step seven: Allow dog to cean up.

happy valentine's day!

2008-02-14T13:54:00.003-06:00

12 years ago today the husband and I had our first date. Dude, that makes me feel old. Yes, I acknowledge that a first date on Valentine's day is a bit sappy, but I like sap.

No big plans for the day other than consumption of too much sugar and chocolate, as if I needed a reason! In fact, I am working tonight. Bleh. Ken and the little dude will be having a quiet evening at home with the chocolate and I'll be showing houses. Not that I'm complaining.

Bex and I are making a little something special for the Dad-Man this afternoon. Don't worry, I'll post pictures.

I promise to do a Tet party recap on the next day or so.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

ten mice for tet

2008-02-08T21:28:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's more like three mice. At least on the plate. There are actually more like two dozen. Here's a sneak peek at the grub for tomorrow's festivities. Aren't they just adorable??

tet. ah tet.

2008-02-07T21:36:00.000-06:00

It's interesting to look at this holiday from an alternate perspective. At this time last year, Tet was the enemy. A month long holiday that virtually shuts down all government offices and completely halts all paperwork in its tracks. To a parent waiting to travel to pick bring their little one home, little causes more despair and anguish than the dreaded Tet delay. Now that the little dude is home I find myself embracing the spirit of the season. I made a version of pho for dinner. It was yummy. Even Bex ate some, though he couldn't quite manage the noodles. For dessert we enjoyed a ginger creme brulee. Both recipes were from Vietnamese Cooking Made Easy by Periplus Press.

This weekend we are hosting a Tet party. I can hardly wait. We're having it at one of those inflatable play zones with tons of jumping toys. We're expecting upwards of 20 kids, many of whom are around 2 years old. It should be a hoot and everyone should sleep well come Saturday night.

They say that the first person to visit your home on the first day of Tet symbolizes the things to come in that year. Some pals of mine had their home study today. Here's hoping that their first visitor truly represents forward progress in the VN program and the arrival of their little one before the year's end. Pretty cool day for your home study if you ask me.

Also, super huge congratulations to our pals Rob & Tricia on the referral of their second son! I'd give you a link but they are currently blog-less, at least for this journey.

Happy Tet Y'all!

brush, brush, brush

2008-02-07T00:18:00.000-06:00

In honor of National Dental Health Month I thought I'd take one for the team and post a less than flattering photo. A you can see, the little dude and I are brushing our teeth. Aren't we pretty?

According to the American Dental Association:

"Developing good habits at an early age and scheduling regular dental visits helps children get a good start on a lifetime of healthy teeth and gums."

Right on. In my world I think that mastering the toothbrush in mouth maneuver can only help things along in the spoon and fork department, and I am quite ready for a little more self feeding.

Thanks for your input and emails on the school issue mentioned in the last post. Please continue to weigh in. I need perspective.

32 flavors of eductaion

2008-02-06T09:21:00.000-06:00

After the recent issues regarding obtaining a spot with a quality early childhood education provider, it's fair to say that our elementary school options have been on my radar. Yes, I know that Kindergarten is a few years away, but it's never to early to explore our options. If we decide to go public we may have to move in order to secure a spot in the school district of choice, ie. one with reasonable test scores and high parent satisfaction. If we decide to go private we have to ready ourselves financially for the costs involved. We really don't think that we are cut out for homeschooling so that is likely not an option. All of which brings me to my main query. How do people decide which education option is best for their child?

Last night we attended an informational meeting about a new charter school in our area. They have lofty goals, and, assuming they can live up to their current hype, this option could end up being our best option. Of course, the school has yet to open its doors and who knows what things will look like in three years. All I know is this: weighing your education options and selecting the best fit is far from easy.

I'm sure many of you have kids in school. What option did you choose and why?

scoleciphobia. not for the squeamish.

2008-02-03T22:39:00.001-06:00

Inspired by Lawyerish's confession of her funky phobia I thought this would be a good time to expose yet another of my quirks. I am a hard core Scoleciphobe. I am afraid of maggots. Deathly afraid. Completely unable to breathe afraid. Cold hand of death squeezing out my will to live afraid.

My college roommate and I rented a house from my parents during the school year. Over the summer we both moved back home and disconnected the utilities to save money. So, about a week before class started I arrived at the house to crank up the air conditioning and start moving back in. When I opened the door it was clear that something was amiss. Hundreds of dead flies were littered about the kitchen floor. Odd. I wandered around the house and found more and more flies but no point of entry or visible food source. Still odd. Then I heard it. A strange sound was coming from inside the refrigerator. Like something was repeatedly hitting the door from the inside. I mustered up my courage and opened the freezer door. Bad idea. An unholy stench filled my nostrils and I gasped in horror as a writhing mass of maggots spilled out of the freezer down the front of the refrigeraotor and onto my Birkenstock wearing feet. Writhing maggots in my sandals. Under my toes. On my skin. ON MY SKIN!! Blehhhhhhhhhh. I admit to losing my stomach and making a deposit into the sink.

For what it's worth, moving whist sporting maggot filled shoes is... um... unpleasant. They squish, you know. I have no words for the degree of stomach wrenching horror that is slimy, squishy, maggoty shoes.

So, back to the freezer... Seems the previous roomie had left a frozen chicken breast in a ziploc in the ice bin where it had been overlooked. There it sat in the unplugged freezer for the better part of three months. At some point a fly found it's way to dinner, or perhaps a fly egg was somehow already in attendance at the party, I know not, but the formerly frozen chicken sludge was the primary source from whence the maggots came. The smell was acrid and sulphery, with a hint of bile and rotting flesh. Just thinking about the aroma makes me gag a little.

Finally coming to my senses I ditched the shoes, shook off the maggots as best I could and ran out of the house. Then I called my mom. She told me to buck up and clean it. I am, after all, prone to exaggeration, and I was likely blowing this out of proportion. She would pay for the cleaning supplies and come up to check on my progress that night.

My new roomie, having a biology major and a strong stomach, volunteered to help clean the mess. Poor girl. I didn't show her what she was up against until we were already back from the store armed with our gear. We bought step stools so the the maggots couldn't fall into our shoes. We bought rubber gloves that extended past the elbow and respirator type masks. And bleach. Lots of bleach.

So there we labored for the better part of 9 hours. Perched atop our stools doing our best to rid the fridge of it's gnarly maggot infestation. There was much vomiting. Also tears. Lots of tears. Seems that the smell combined with the herculean task before us was too much to bear and we finally retired to the porch for some fresh air and a good cry. That's where Mom found us. She entered the house all stoic and nonplussed and almost immediately exited visibly shaken and teetering on the edge of a projectile puke. She sat down beside us and said, "clearly that was no exaggeration". For the first time all day our tears turned to laughter.

Of course, there's nothing quite like a maggot crawling across your neck to bring a girl back to reality. The kitchen was literally crawling with the vile creatures. And what to do with the fridge? That thing was simply not fit for food. After many, many phone calls we were able to get someone to haul it to the junkyard and we secured a maggot free fridge for our kitchen. It took about three days of scooping and scrubbing and bleaching before we felt that the kitchen was anywhere near clean enough for food to be there, but we never felt like it was ever truly clean. Funny thing about maggots, their presence has a way of boring into your brain and making you think that they could appear at any time, without warning or provocation. To this day I live in fear of discovering another pulsating blob of grossness.

Blehhhhhhh. I have to go wash my hands.

tag. i'm it.

2008-02-01T13:04:00.000-06:00

Clearly I didn't run fast enough because Jenn tagged me. Fine. I'll play fair.

4 jobs I’ve had:
1) prop designer
2) sales recruiter
3) graphic design manager

and...

wait for it...

4) janitor! i know, i know, but it was in college and i really needed the money.

movies watched over and over:
1. Cars. Bex loves it.
2. The Big Night
3. Sneakers
4. What's that bad 80s ice skating movie? I know, which one... oh.... The Cutting Edge. LOVED that movie. Loved. It. Not sure why.

4 places I’ve lived:
1. Fayetteville, AR
2. Conway, AR
3. Tulsa, OK
4. Little Rock, AR

4 shows I watch:
1. Survivor
2. Project Runway
3. The amazing race
4. Chuck

Can you say, bad reality tv and escapist comedy? Look, it's not about taste it's about relaxation

4 places I’ve been:
1. Vietnam. I'd like to go back soon.
2. New York City
3. The Ocean
4. Mexico

4 people who e-mail me regularly:
1. Heather
2. Tricia
3. Mom
4. Ken

4 favorite things to eat:
1. Sugar with Rice & Butter
2. Lammes Pecan Pralines
3. Perfectly ripe tomatos
4. Sushi

4 places I’d rather be:
1. On vacation
2. Baking in my kitchen
3. Curled up in front of a fire
4. At the salon getting my nails done

4 things I look forward to this year:
1. Finally going to Ken's hometown of Syracuse
2. Meeting the VietMoms' kiddos, and Dianna et al, and the folks at VN Family Day
3. A decent tax refund
4. Watching Bex grow and, hopefully, learn to talk

Right then. I think I'll tag Jen because she needs the distraction and Kelly because she's been secretly blogging and this is her penance.

southern comfort

2008-01-30T08:04:00.000-06:00

I'm southern. Sure, years of voice coaching and a theater degree beat most of the twang out of my everyday speech patterns, but make me angry and the accent is back in full effect. On days when I feel a little sad I find myself slipping into a slower cadence and lingering a bit longer on certain vowel sounds. My verbal comfort zone is firmly rooted in the sounds of the south, and my culinary tastes feel at home there too. Biscuits and gravy, tomatoes warm from the garden sun eaten with cornbread for dinner, fried okra, pecan pie, and of course, rice. I grew up in a state whose main agricultural product is rice. I wouldn't say that it was an everyday food for us, but we did eat it a lot, and too many carbs be damned, I love rice. Plain white rice. My grandmother often served rice as a side dish, but it was after the meal was completed that the real magic happened. After everyone finished she would pull out several small bowls and sit them on the table. Then she would fill each bowl with the remaining warm white rice, top it with a pat of butter, and sprinkle it with a teaspoon or so of sugar. Manna, I tell you. Manna from heaven. My cousins and I would hardly be able to contain ourselves as we patiently waited for our bowl to be placed in front of us. Slightly sticky rice with pools of melted butter would be good by themselves, but the sugar... sweet and pleasantly crunchy as the sugar crystals pop between your teeth. Ahhhh. Delicious. To this day, nothing brings me more more comfort than a bowl of white rice with butter and sugar. Unconventional I know. Maybe even strange. But given the turmoil of late, I think you could all use a little comfort, southern style.

Rice with Butter & Sugar

1 cup long grain white rice, rinsed
2.5 cups water
1T plus 4t butter
8t sugar

Heat water and 1T butter to boiling in a heavy saucepan. Stir in rice. Reduce heat to a simmer, cover with lid, and simmer for 20 minutes or until all water is absorbed. Remove from heat and let sit for 5 minutes. Rice will be slightly sticky.

Divide rice into four bowls. Make a well in the center and top with 2t butter and 2t sugar, or more to taste. Enjoy!

We tend to buy turbinado sugar so that's what you see in the photo. I would use that or white sugar, but not soft brown sugar.

deflated but hopeful.

2008-01-29T13:41:00.000-06:00

My friends in adoption land have just been dealt a potentially devastating blow. The Department of State issued a statement yesterday which basically suggests that if you do not yet have your I171H then you should reconsider the Vietnam program and switch to another country. Though both the United States and Vietnam intend to resign the Memorandum of Understanding (essentially the rules and regs of US/VN adoption), the current agreement expires on September 1st. Given the time between dossier submission, referral, and travel, the DOS believes it is unlikely that folks who do not yet have their I171Hs would be able to travel to bring home their child before the agreement expires. Though talks have begun between our two countries to draft a new MOU, the new agreement is not expected to be in place by the current deadline, thus a period would exist in which no adoptions would be processed and the program would effectively be on hold.

Our agency is remaining cautiously optimistic.

The issues are many, and I don't intend to get into a deep philosophical or political debate. The editors at Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity can do that much better than I. The purpose of my post is to provide a tiny bit of encouragement.

I know that the Vietnam program was and is the best fit for some. Many of us with sizable school loans cannot meet China's net worth criteria. Perhaps you are too young for one country or too old for another. Maybe you aren't married, or have a medical condition a foreign gov't finds objectionable, or, like many Americans, simply weigh too much to meet the requirements of some programs. All of us who found our way to the Vietnam program arrived there for a reason. Many of us will find that our children are indeed in Vietnam, but others will feel compelled to explore other options and find that they are in the right place for the right child at the right time. Waiting is difficult. Impossible, really. You want to meet your child and expand your family, and you want it to happen quickly and in the way you planned. Period. Believe me, I get that. But it is likely that many of us had different plans before. Many of us found our way to adoption because of other roadblocks that altered our paths. As devastating as the current news may be to your current plan, maybe this is just another roadblock that will steer you in the right direction to your little one.

Maybe there is hope.

Maybe.

patient. it's my husband's middle name.

2008-01-23T21:49:00.000-06:00

Not really. In the grand scheme of honest to goodness middle names, "Patient" would be sort of silly. It's Aaron. Sorry for outing you, honey! Anyway, Ken is the coolest. Despite the fact that the task sometimes takes over an hour and occasionally requires earplugs due to amazingly loud baby "singing", Ken manages to coax the little dude into slumber each and every night. I simply don't have the patience. He does. Thank goodness.

rock on, robeez! and other newsworthy snipets

2008-01-21T13:12:00.000-06:00

I LOVE Robeez. There, I've said it and I'm not the least bit ashamed. The company is awesome (read how they donated shoes to Bex's former roomies here and here) and the product is fantastic, at least until the kiddos are serious walkers. Once upright mobility is fully achieved the fabulous Robeez become less practical due to the almost nonexistent sole. Well not anymore my friends. Behold the groovy new Robeez Treds. I might be in love. Too bad I have to wait until February to get my hands on a pair.

In other news I finally managed to secure a spot for the little dude at a local preschool. As of mid September he will be heading off to school for half a day on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am SO relieved! Ours is one of those cities where securing quality childcare and or preschool can be a vexing task. Every pregnant lady I've met already has her unborn child's name on a waiting list or has already enrolled said baby and is paying tuition until such time as child is birthed and can attend. Yikes, I say. Yikes. Silly, naive little me thought all of my friends were paranoid uber planners. I was so very wrong. Since August the little dude has been on 16 waiting lists. Sixteen. I'd love for him to be enrolled somewhere for the next eight months but it seems that is highly unlikely. So, if you live in my city and you have a referral you best start calling preschools, pronto. Trust me, it's not about paranoia.

angsty.

2008-01-18T14:30:00.000-06:00

It's official. I'm all a twitter. I want to know what is going to happen with the VN adoption world. I want to know why all of these i600s are stalling out and when the US govt plans to properly staff the office that handles said crucial bits of paperwork. I want to know because I feel as if all of my future plans hinge on those crucial issues. I very much want to add another little person to the fam. Though I don't have any notion of doing this immediately, I feel as if it might be a good idea to start the ball rolling just in case things take a few years. For some crazy reason I can't get the idea of another child out of my head. It's probably some kind of girly hormone induced psychosis, or my personal version of the proverbial ticking clock, but I am increasingly feeling a pull towards kid number two and I don't quite know what to think about that at the moment. I'd really like to stop working but that definitely isn't going to happen with two kiddos. If the situation was different and I was suddenly pregnant then the decision would be instantly made and we would make things work. If adoption is the means by which your family grows it can be difficult not to over think the situation. I am very much a ride the current kind of gal. Planning is good but I embrace the fact that plans sometimes need revision. The husband is more of a static fellow. To him a plan is less of a blueprint and more of a concrete foundation, somewhat immovable. He worries about paying two college tuitions. I feel like student loans are ok. He frets over two cars. I figure they can share. He agonises over food costs, and incidentals, and scheduling conflicts. I assume that there would be less gourmet dining and more at home meals. I like to think that we would be able to juggle multiple football practices, or chess club, or band, or whatever. People do it all the time. Don't they? We both acknowledge the financial impact of two adoptions in close succession, but where it makes him queasy I know that it would be fine. Both of us are overwhelmed by the love that we have for our little dude and wonder if we could love another child to an equal degree. I know that sounds a bit silly, but it is a legitimate concern. Of course, I'm sort of in love with the notion of an unknown person so I'm sure we are both fully capable of being head over heels for two kiddos. We are in one moment resolute in our desire to start the process immediately, and in the next we think perhaps waiting would be best. My fear is that waiting means it will never happen and that makes me sad. And I know that this is something in which we both need to be fully invested. And I know that people can and do love multiple kids to the same degree. And I know that when/if the time is right we will know it. And I know there is no rush, but I think I mentioned that tug I've been feeling. See? Angsty. Bleh.

cám ón!

2008-01-17T10:06:00.000-06:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Due in large part to your support, my cafe press shop sold 497 shirts in 2007! Some of the shirts have even traveled to Vietnam. Who knows where the others have been... Did you take your shirt someplace nifty? If so, share the pic. I'd love to see it! Have no clue what I'm blathering on about? Click here to visit my adoption focused cafe press store.

And just in case I haven't mentioned it lately, I love you guys!