it's been thirty years since my last confession...
On a completely non-adoption related note, let me start by saying that I am horrified, ashamed, and amused all at the same time. For some reason I feel compelled to share the tale of my wacky woes with the world. This is my confessional. Perhaps getting things off my chest will allow the healing to begin. Besides, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Plus, I shared the story with some real life pals today and they found it hilariously horrifying. Bottom line, my fellow bloggers deserve a giggle, even if it is at my expense.
So, I have this wart. I've been to various specialists over the past several years for treatment. It's been scrapped, prodded, burned, frozen, washed with acid and taped, among other things. Yet still the wart refuses to die.
Today I had an appointment with a new doctor in LR. She specializes in treatment of persistent warts (seriously? this is a job?) anyhow, I went to see the woman this morning. She says I have two options. Option 1: Surgical removal. Apparently they have some kind of protocol for wart removal that specifies how much tissue must be removed. Based on the size of said wart and the fact that it has had tiny baby warts --which by the way are no where near as cute as say baby chicks or baby people--, they would have to remove roughly HALF of my effing heel!!! I'm not exaggerating. Clearly option 1 is a last resort. Option 2: A three tiered method involving injections into said wart, acid, and topical medication. As bad as it may sound, option two is the winner.
So, what does one inject into a wart to kill it? CANDIDA!! You know, the stuff that causes yeast infections!!! And what topical cream do we put on it? Why a cream for genital herpes, of course. Why didn't I think of that?
So, I go to the pharmacy to drop off my prescription. I give the Rx to the pharmacist, tell him I'll be back this afternoon, and start to leave. All of the sudden he yells for me to come back to the counter. "Miss," he says, "this is for G-E-N-I-T-A-L H-E-R-P-E-S!". He said it super slowly, because, you know, that helps dumb people understand things better. I assured him that I knew what the medicine was for. Still confused, he insists there is a problem saying, "but it says you are to apply it to your foot. Is that correct? You have this on your foot?". It's sort of humiliating to explain to the pharmacist that no, I don't have genital herpes on my foot as by definition it's only possible to have genital herpes on ones genitalia. I tell him I have a wart. I swear to you he looked at me with even more horror that when he thought I had an STD of the foot. Then I was just weird. Now I'm disgusting. Seriously, what the hell?
So, in conclusion, I have a wart, and my wart now has a yeast infection and is being treated for herpes. WTF??? Worst day ever.
So, I have this wart. I've been to various specialists over the past several years for treatment. It's been scrapped, prodded, burned, frozen, washed with acid and taped, among other things. Yet still the wart refuses to die.
Today I had an appointment with a new doctor in LR. She specializes in treatment of persistent warts (seriously? this is a job?) anyhow, I went to see the woman this morning. She says I have two options. Option 1: Surgical removal. Apparently they have some kind of protocol for wart removal that specifies how much tissue must be removed. Based on the size of said wart and the fact that it has had tiny baby warts --which by the way are no where near as cute as say baby chicks or baby people--, they would have to remove roughly HALF of my effing heel!!! I'm not exaggerating. Clearly option 1 is a last resort. Option 2: A three tiered method involving injections into said wart, acid, and topical medication. As bad as it may sound, option two is the winner.
So, what does one inject into a wart to kill it? CANDIDA!! You know, the stuff that causes yeast infections!!! And what topical cream do we put on it? Why a cream for genital herpes, of course. Why didn't I think of that?
So, I go to the pharmacy to drop off my prescription. I give the Rx to the pharmacist, tell him I'll be back this afternoon, and start to leave. All of the sudden he yells for me to come back to the counter. "Miss," he says, "this is for G-E-N-I-T-A-L H-E-R-P-E-S!". He said it super slowly, because, you know, that helps dumb people understand things better. I assured him that I knew what the medicine was for. Still confused, he insists there is a problem saying, "but it says you are to apply it to your foot. Is that correct? You have this on your foot?". It's sort of humiliating to explain to the pharmacist that no, I don't have genital herpes on my foot as by definition it's only possible to have genital herpes on ones genitalia. I tell him I have a wart. I swear to you he looked at me with even more horror that when he thought I had an STD of the foot. Then I was just weird. Now I'm disgusting. Seriously, what the hell?
So, in conclusion, I have a wart, and my wart now has a yeast infection and is being treated for herpes. WTF??? Worst day ever.
