Let me start by saying that Beckett is FINE. No worried phone calls or general fretting required. Now, on with my story.Me: Yes, hi. I'm calling because my son's lips turned blue a few minutes ago.
Nurse: I see. So, your son is blue and that is the nature if your call.
Me: Not exactly. My son's lips turned blue while he was crying. Just the lips, not the entire child.
Nurse: Yes ma'am. How long has he been blue?
Me: He's not blue. His lips were blue.
Nurse: His lips were blue? (Hooray! She's finally listening!)
Me: Yes! My son's lips turned blue while he was crying. Just the lips, not the entire child.
Nurse: I see. His lips are blue and that's why you are calling.
Me: WERE blue. Not anymore.
Nurse: I'll talk to the doctor and call you back.
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Me: Hello?
Nurse: The doctor wants to know how long the child has been blue.
Me: (beating head against the wall) He isn't blue. It was just the lips, but they are normal now.
Nurse: I'll talk to the doctor and call you back.
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Me: Hello?
Nurse: The doctor wants to know how you would describe the status of his tongue.
Me: His tongue? (What?!?!?)
Nurse: Yes. Tell me about his tongue.
Me: Um... it seems fine.
Nurse: You examined his tongue while his lips were blue, right?
Me: No. I didn't know that was important.
Nurse: If his tongue is blue you need to go immediately to the ER.
Me: It's not blue now.
Nurse: Was it blue earlier? If it was you should go to the ER.
Me: I don't know. I didn't look at his tongue.
Nurse: You should look at it next time.
Me: Great. Thank you. I'll check his tongue. What about the lips?
Nurse: The doctor says not to worry unless they are blue for a sustained period of time.
Me: Define "sustained".
Nurse: 25 to 30 minutes. Then you can think about the ER.
Me: Please be advised, if my child's lips are blue for 25 - 30 minutes, I've already been at the ER for at least 15 and we're not including drive time.
Nurse: Ma'am, there is no need to be reactionary. (Reactionary?!?!? Are you kidding me?) However, if his tongue is blue, even for an instant, you should go to the ER. Even for an instant. Do you understand?
Me: Yeah. Blue lips are acceptable for short periods, but blue tongue is not. Thanks.
I'll spare you the rest of the world's most infuriating conversation.
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This leads me to a number of questions.
1: Am I just dumb, or is this whole tongue status thing news to anyone else?
2: Who waits 30 minutes to take their blue lipped child to the ER?
3: Since when is taking a blue lipped child to the ER considered reactionary?
Sheesh!
